Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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