Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i think my cat just said my name.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
