We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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