When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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