don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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