Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
