I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
