Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
