that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
