so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
