so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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