I just saw a hot homeless man
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
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oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
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He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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