I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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