Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
