Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
