i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
