Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
