I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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