I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
