no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
