She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
