ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
