I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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