go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.