onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
even my farts smell like vagina
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
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We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.