Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
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In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.