Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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