dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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