in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
