If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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