We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This is the high leading the old right now
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
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You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
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