when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
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I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
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I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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