pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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