I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
