Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
