We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
