you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
