you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
