....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
