I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
No subtext here. People are naked.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
