I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
