just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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