My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
