I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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