I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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