i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
