I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
