I just cut my nipple shaving
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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