Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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