my mouth tastes like poor choices
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize