I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize