addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
