Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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