I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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