in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
