Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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