my vag is so smooth its legendary
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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