I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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