You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
