I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize