come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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