It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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