New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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