What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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